Monday, 25 March 2013

Reminder: Get the full story

A little while ago I mentioned that I'd be writing a string of columns for Romania-Insider, and this is just a reminder that my fourth column was published today. You can view it and the others here: Romania from the Outside

PS: Marc - you might like the latest one!

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for directing my attention to that column, just shows how much attention i pay only noticed the PS now. That was a great read, i met my Romanian girlfriend whilst playing an online game, and neither of us were playing it to meet a partner. Its amazing how love can be found in the strangest places. I am an overly cautious person when it comes to big decisions, so im a bit nervous to move together and get married so soon. I would really like to be financially stable, if thats even possible, so its not too much stress for her when she moves here. I know love waits for no one so imm going to have to make a move soon or risk losing what we have. I enjoyed reading your column it really gave me hope that this relationship will work out. I have been reading many of your past posts and really like the way your mind works, keep up the good work its really refreshing and motivates me to keep moving forward.

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  2. I'll be 100% honest with you Marc. Your relationship will not be the same in real life as it is over the Internet. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but you may as well be prepared for it. When communicating remotely, it's easier to defuse arguments (just stop typing!) or just hide frustration. In real life, you get the 'full package': yes, you can touch each other, but yes, you also can't just disconnect and find your own space as easily. Especially if you've taken the commitment of marrying. It worked out for me, yes, but I think you and your girlfriend need to be mature about it: if you feel so strongly about each other that you are willing to take a huge risk for the relationship, and marriage is your best option to get together, then go for it. But understand that when she steps off the plane (or you do), it's just the *start* of the *real* relationship, not the beginning of 'forever after' and marital bliss. The start can be difficult, as it will be in any relationship: a lot of compromise, a lot of open communication, a lot of criticism and self-analysis. If it all works out though? You'll be happy, and feel that you've beaten the odds - and have a stronger relationship as a result. If it doesn't, you need to deal with it the way you would with any other failed relationship, but realise that the stakes are higher: if she comes to join you, for example, be mature enough in arguments that you don't let her feel that she'll ever be left out on the street in a foreign country with no support. Because she's giving up her social support, it's a bigger responsibility for you. Or her, if you do things the other way. Just talk about it, really :)

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